Page 19 - Part A

Counselling Skills

When the client has ‘told the story’, to use Egan’s phrase, the task for the counsellor
is to summarise the main points and choose a suitable beginning. Look at the
following example.

Example: The use of paraphrasing

The client has, in a roundabout way, indicated that they do not want to go on holiday
with friends and this is causing problems with their partner.

The counsellor paraphrases as follows:

‘You seem to be saying that you do not want to go on holiday with the friends that
you normally go away with because you are no longer relaxed in their company.
This is causing a problem with your partner as you can’t talk about it to them.’

7. Reflecting

Reflecting is a skill that helps the client to feel understood. Here, the counsellor
reflects back to the client their feelings in order that they may identify and clarify
them. Reflecting is like holding up a mirror to the client so that they see themselves
and their feelings more clearly.

Reflecting is done by:

• Listening to the client closely

• Observing non-verbal behaviour

• Identifying the feeling in a word and being aware of the intensity of
that word

• Reflecting this back to the client.

For example:

‘You feel angry because you were passed over for promotion.’

Reflecting can also be done physically by the counsellor adopting the mirror image
body language of the client. This is referred to as ‘mirroring’ and is one way of helping
achieve rapport, so that the other person can feel more comfortable and safer.

It involves the counsellor adopting aspects of the client’s behaviour, particularly body
language, but also gestures, tone of voice or forms of speech. However, counsellors
must be subtle in the use of this technique – if it is too obvious, the client will think
that they are being made fun of. In everyday life, people tend to do this naturally.
When with others, you might suddenly notice that you and the person you’re with
have adopted the same posture. Or at a social occasion, you might notice that people
who are getting on well together lift their glasses to drink at the same time. These are
natural signs of being in rapport with each other.

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